It’s been ages…

…since I last blogged. Forgive me readers for I have been up to my eyeballs in school holidays, parental visits and getting ready to move. Yes, in case you haven’t heard yet we are leaving Paris in July to move to Budapest. Nobby has a flash new job and I get to pick out new schools for the kids, new walks for the dog and a new kitchen to hang out in for me. And hopefully a few friends as well! I can’t say I am not a little daunted by the prospect of going through it all again, but surely it can’t be any worse than last time?!!

Anyway, thanks to Dazza for the line ‘Sod the dog, beware of the kids.’ Given recent events I am going to paste that to my letterbox, underneath my ‘Attention au chien’ sign. Not that Tiggy would give any prospective burglar much more than a vicious tongue-wash, but the kids…? That’s another story; I am collecting grey hairs on a daily basis.

Take this week for example. Poppet swallowed a metal marble from Pickle’s magnetic building thingy on Monday then smacked her chin while jumping into the deep end of the swimming pool on Wednesday. Meanwhile Pickle did a disappearing act while we were visiting a little village in the south of France during the holidays. He was gone for almost half an hour, during which time Nobby and me rallied the entire place into looking for him and I’d even called the police already. Talk about heart in mouth – I thought they were supposed to grow out of running off?! It seems that he got it into his head to race us back to the car. Only he failed to tell anyone ready-steady-go and just took off while we weren’t looking. The only person who might have seen him leave was this little old lady I stopped and questioned on my frantic flight through the place, but she was too intent on assuring me that little children don’t go missing in this day and age and would I please stop shouting in the narrow streets near her house!!!??!! Anyway, I am very grateful to the lovely people who helped us look and the fellow Mummy who let me soak her shoulder when he turned up. Oh and the police of course, who proffered wise words for future reference; ‘well, at that age, Madame, you do need to keep an eye on them.’ No sh*t Sherlock.

But not to be outdone Tiggy is also somewhat out of favour now. Since the marble swallowing incident I asked Poppet to use the potty for number 2’s so I could check for the offending article without getting up to my elbows in the U-bend. Oh the things we do in the name of motherhood, never did I foresee myself sifting through poop with a wooden kebab stick. However on Tuesday night Nobby got the call because I was out, but Poppet had to come out of the loo to fetch him. As he went in, stick in hand, the dog was coming out… licking her lips. Needless to say we didn’t get to check that one and I refuse to expand my repertoire to steaming dog-turds.

On that note, it’s time for bed here in rainy Paris. But I ain’t kissing the dog goodnight.