Less bored...

Nobby made a poor start to the day by uttering one of the Forbidden Phrases from The List. You ladies will know what I mean; that unwritten, unspoken (and unfinished) list of Things One Should Never Say To Ones Wife/Girlfriend If One Wants To Retain Sexual Privileges. Of course, being male, he probably doesn’t actually know what he’s done or how much trouble he is in for violating The Rules, unless he’s decided that his work is done towards the survival of the species and he can now manage without his scrotum and its contents; standard punishment being to have these ripped off.

By rights, he should have a vague inkling of what I’m talking about, having slipped up in the past with such classics as

‘What have you been doing all day?’

‘That’s an interesting top/skirt/suit’, and

‘Oh, you’ve put your tracksuit trousers on; are you feeling fat?’

Today’s gem was ‘I’m amazed you haven’t lost a wing mirror yet’ while we were driving down the narrow track to exit our residential area. I took a deep calming breathe, after all, it is a typical scenario: instead of concentrating on my achievements – successfully swerving round a pot hole resembling the Grand Canyon and thus saving Sharan’s suspension from further injury – he points out my shortcomings i.e. narrowly avoiding a concrete lamp-post which happens to be directly opposite said chasm. I have to say, if my driving is so scary he can jolly well walk to the tram stop in future.

Still, it alleviates the boredom, dunnit? I have to say I have had some success finding other outlets than chocolate biscuits and DVDs. Tiggy is extremely pleased to be getting extra walks since I started taking her along the wooded ridge nearby where we never bump into anyone else so I have no guilt wearing my ipod while we walk. The only drawback being when I scare her by spontaneously bursting into song. I just can’t help it – music is for singing along to and I can’t be expected to remember that any unfortunate soul overhearing my performance can’t hear the music or backing vocals that I can. I completely forget that I probably don’t sound like Betty Boo outside of my own head, it’s probably more like Scooby Doo.

But anyway, I inadvertently put a stop to my performances this afternoon whilst following Roses example and taking my energy out on the garden. I was going great guns with the secateurs and the front steps were looking a lot nicer without all the ivy growing over them and the job was progressing even better accompanied by a bit of Fleetwood Mac (showing my age again, ahem). Until it all suddenly went quiet in my headphones. No, not premature deafness… I’d snipped through the wire.