Is it time for school yet?

Our house is bursting with new technology – I am writing this on my sparkly new laptop and Poppet is watching Tom and Jerry on the new 37inch flat screen TV (my birthday gift to Nobby, what could be better than something I can use as well?)

Our house is also echoing with angry expletives – ‘which blasted remote control do I use to turn this damn thing on?’, ‘how do I switch to the DVD?’, ‘Muuuuuuuum! It’s not WORKING!!!’.

Yes, we love those first few days after getting a new toy when no-one has a clue how to use the thing except the one who diligently read the manual (me). You’ll note that there has been no yelling about my new laptop... that’s because no-one else is allowed near it and I do all my own shouting in my head (‘where the hell is the ruddy File menu?’ ‘Why on earth did I upgrade to Vista?’)

Meanwhile the old technology is breaking down around us in protest at the spangly new machines taking over their turf. My old computer says ‘No’ most emphatically every day at the moment so I am trying to do something about it, struggling to decipher the cyber-speak on the technical websites as I go along and delving into my deepest memories of my days as an IT support specialist almost twenty years ago. This is whilst the Small People are tugging on my chair and climbing onto my lap demanding,
‘Is it fixed yet?’
‘Can I go on it first?’
‘Can I use your new computer while I wait?’
‘I wanna play Barbie!’
‘I wanna play Club Penguin!’
‘I’m first! You had a go yesterday!’
‘No, I’M first! It did a blue screen on my when I’d only being playing 5 minutes and hadn’t even done Barbie’s hair yet!’

You get the picture? Total bedlam. You can tell it’s the end of the summer holidays, they are suffering from ten weeks of close proximity and now they can’t even watch five minutes of Tom and Jerry on the same sofa without a fight ensuing. I, like many other mothers around the globe, cannot WAIT for school to start.

Actually, for me school has already started. As a trainee teacher this year I was invited to the pre-term teachers meetings last week to get me up to speed on the workings of the place before all the kids pile back in. It was very interesting crossing over from parent to teacher. I will have my own magnet on the ‘In/Out’ board and my own coffee mug in the staff room. For now, I am learning the Theory of Teaching and observing classes being taught until, shortly after half term, some brave teacher has to give up a few lessons to me and let me use their students as guinea-pigs for all I've learnt. I am quite excited about it – not sure about the others - and I guess this means I am a student again, although without the pub-crawls and vomiting, all-night studying and Pro-plus, £1-a-pint nights down the Union and student discounts. Them were the days.

It's hard to believe that we've made it through a ten week summer holiday relatively unscathed. There were only two trips to the Emergency Room and only one of those was for my own child. Poppet is now sporting an 'H' shaped scar on her chin after a run-in with the side of a swimming pool. Ouch. At least I now know where to dash when things go tits-up, although I have to say that particular learning curve was as painful for me as for my little girl. I won't write out the whole rant - I've already bored a few friends with it and watched them glaze over, even though I felt a lot better for it - all I'll say is I fully support Dave the Sausage Man's philosophy that in Budapest you need to avoid Post Offices, Chemists and Public Hospitals. After one year in the city my repertoire is unfortunately complete and I have classic rants about all three.

Last time I mentioned our two-week holiday in Croatia, although I think I hijacked my own post with the Miss Crystal Hotel story, how vain am I? Suffice to say the rest of the holiday was as relaxing as it promised to be. Nobby and me spent most of each day sitting by the pool reading while the kids were in the Kids Club falling in love with the animators so they could bawl their eyes out when we had to leave. Besides the Mr and Miss contests there was plenty of other entertainment, Pickle particularly enjoyed the Games Room which had two Playstations you could play for free in case your tight-wad Mother refused to keep coughing up a Euro-a-go for the pinball, pool and Grand Theft Auto machines. We all enjoyed the canteen meals - the kids ate pizza, chips and ice cream every day for two weeks while Nobby and I enjoyed a variety of fare, made all the more delicious by the fact that someone else bought it, prepared it and cooked it for us.

We did explore just a little bit and imagine my surprise to suddenly find myself cycling past the hotel I stayed with my own parents 25 years ago when the country was still known as Yugoslavia. That called for an instant text to my Mum. She replied straight away, reminding me how much my Grandad enjoyed the place and how we all loved Colin the 'Female Impersonator'. Hotel entertainment was a little different back then; Colin used to come on in full drag, somehow getting away with a tight, sparkly leotard with his ostrich feather head-dress, and he did a great job of clearing all the Germans out of the bar with his community singing of 'Hanging Out The Washing On The Siegfried Line' and other wartime greats.

Anyway, we came back to Budapest for a couple of weeks before Poppet, Pickle and I set off for a visit to the UK, slipping through a Time Warp on the way because I was about eighteen again when we landed at the other end. My parents laid on the full taxi service, both to and from the airport and to and from evening dinner dates so I could beer it up. Mum did all my washing, Dad loaned me the car and his route-master expertise (they have no need of a GPS, my Dad is a GPS) and I partook of all the Brit Grub I have been missing with the help of my brother and sister. Poor Nobby was well miffed to hear I had Chicken Tikka Masala and Peking Crispy Duck in the space of a week. It was a nice visit, apart from the English Summer weather (don't make me laugh) which had me reaching for the jeans and jumpers from day one and it was great to catch up with so many people. I stocked up on English books so thoroughly that I had to borrow another bag to get them all home.

Since then it has been a bit of a treadmill waiting for the old school bell to ring again. Thankfully Boy-Next Door is back in town and giving me a hand entertaining the troops. Perhaps he will also help surgically remove them from the Nintendo DSs and DVD player. I wonder if the school is giving a prize for the most hours clocked on electronic games? Somehow I doubt it but I would not have got through the full ten weeks without them. Roll on registration!