I forgot to include a Lesson for Nobby last time.
It was such a lovely romantic evening, watching TV with a bottle of wine and a few candles. Until one candle burned too low and set fire to the plastic Christmas decorations round its base. I was shutting down my computer at the time, luckily Nobby noticed it and called me in that slightly higher-pitched than normal voice with an edge of panic to it. Actually all he said was 'Aaaargh!' or words to that effect so it took me a second to clock the belching smoke and growing flames in the corner of the room. As I sprang into action to fetch a wet tea towel, Nobby attempted to move it away from the surrounding ornaments and decs which were all in imminent danger.
Not as much danger, however, as poor Nobby's finger, which caught a big drip of molten Christmas decoration - how on earth he managed to set the candles down safely, run to the kitchen, shove my tea towel aside and thrust his hand under the tap I'll never know, his finger's quite a mess. So Lesson 4 (Nobby): leave your burning ornaments where they are and fetch a bucket of water.
Thank goodness for my recent First Aid course. I opted to leave out the recommended introduction:
'Hello. My name is Your Missus and I'm a trained Emergency Responder. Can I help you?'
and went straight for 'Sit down, shut up and put your hand in this bowl of water.'
He's now sporting a fetching bandage, he's exempt from washing up but he has to shower with a plastic bag on his hand. Well, it's something to talk about in the office.
My other boy made an interesting pronouncement the other morning. Apparently they were going to do some cooking in school. Pickle declared he definitely wanted to learn how to cook because,
'When I'm grown up, I'll do all the cooking so my wife won't have to.'
He said this as he finished his morning weesht in the upstairs toilet - without lifting the seat and without flushing -before dropping his PJs on the floor and heading down for brekkie. Mmm, yes, I muttered, your wife won't have time to cook while she's picking up your clothes, flushing the loo and cleaning the bathroom so if you don't want to starve, yeah go for it!