The roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the crowd

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Blind Date!!
And here is your host, Miss Nobby's Missus!!

Oh yes, that was me last Wednesday night, sporting a lovely pencil skirt, tight jacket and an extremely dodgy Liverpool accent, bringing the joys of London Weekend Television to the parents and students of our school in Budapest. It was a Tudor version of the popular show, where Henry VIII, aka the Headmaster, had to choose between his six wives, played by various other teachers, much to the delight of all the students who weren't expecting it.

I confess to a lorra ad-libbing, chuck, and I really did enjoy myself, mincing around the stage. I'm not sure how much of the sarcastic humour scanned to the Hungarian audience, who so don't do irony:

'Contestant number 6, Kate, has been married twice so surviving fellas is Parr for the course for her...'

but we did get a lorra laffs.

Poppet and me did not laugh at a different show yesterday, we just stared open mouthed in awe at the amazing Budapest Opera House and a stunning performance of The Nutcracker. It was a wonderful Christmas treat from our lovely neighbour who risked life and limb in driving snow to come with us and sit amongst the ridiculously dressed up and outrageously behaved little darlings and their mothers.

Given that it was about minus 7 degrees and eleven o'clock in the morning I confess I passed over the floor length taffeta, sparkly shoes and diamond tiara, opting instead for tights, woolly trousers, vest, t-shirt, jumper, cardie and my comfy snow boots. However I was in the huge minority, why on earth would you pass up on the bling just because you might freeze your bits off on the journey? You never saw anything like it and I am proud that my little girl whispered to me,

'You'd never buy me clothes like that would you Mummy?' as another satin and lace froo-froo puff-ball flounced past us.

The only other two children who were dressed almost normally were Little Miss Loudmouth and her sister Miss Kick-That-Seat who were unfortunately sitting directly behind us in the stalls. Their parents weren't only ignorant of the unspoken dress-code, they also hadn't got a clue about keeping their kids under control or whispering during a live ballet performance such that I turned round to them at the end of the second act and told them they were unbelievable.

Cripes, I'm such an old stick in the mud now that school's out! I am supposed to have three weeks away from small people climbing up my legs, calling my name over and over again, spilling drinks and bodily fluids all over me, but I think I've taken it to heart a little too much expecting all kids to be seen and not heard. Jeez, maybe that stint in France is starting to kick in?

Anyway, I'm still partially on duty as I am interviewing a five-year old tomorrow morning before dashing off to the dentist with Poppet, whose temporary crown just fell off. She was amazingly calm about it, I'm immensely proud. I can't wait to show Pickle round the surgery, he's going to love looking at all the machines.

He bought himself a Robot yesterday which 'walks' along the floor avoiding objects as it goes and he has gone all Blue Peter on us creating mazes and rat runs for putting it through its paces. He reckons he's going to invent robots that will bring him snacks to the sofa so he never has to get up from the TV or Wii ever again. And he still hasn't given up on building a 'shelter' under the hill in our back garden, if the landlord will agree. I can just see him bombarding this dentist with questions tomorrow as he rebuilds this tooth again.

Second thought, better pack a DS.

Finally tonight I would like to annouce that Tiggy, our wonderful woofer, can count. Nobby discovered this amazing talent and I am just so sorry That's Life isn't still on the air so we could show our mutt off to Esther Rantzen.

Every night before we go up to bed Nobby lets the dog outside for a weesht then heads off to the cupboard to get her a bedtime treat. I think I've mentioned before that she only has to sense him walking towards the hallway and she makes for her bed like a cork out of a bottle.

Well it seems, ever the numbers man, he always gets her three biscuits and hands them over one at a time. And this smart pooch now takes the first one and puts it down in front of her and looks up for another one. She takes the second one and puts it down and waits for another. Only when she has two in front of her and the third one in her gob does she start eating. Amazing.

At this rate we just need the kids to come up with a double act and we'll shortly be performing at a theatre near you.