Right that's it. I have officially had enough. Stop the world, I wanna get off. If I thought yesterday was bad then it was a big mistake waking up this morning. I had to make an emergency trip to see Rose this afternoon so she could put me back together. And Nobby keeps calling from Malta all sad and homesick and I can't bring myself to share the gloom down the phone so poor Rose copped the lot.

The worst bit is my landlord, who is turning into the tight-fisted pedantic old b*stard that the agency said he would as the end of our contract approaches. He stood in my kitchen this afternoon inviting the family over for champagne on Friday night then I hear not half an hour later he was lying his arse off to my agent trying to wriggle out of 600 euros it turns out he owes us. I'll spare you the details but suffice to say I've got to pass him in the playground tomorrow on the school run and how I'm going to stop myself now from kicking him in the nuts I have no idea.

On top of that I have to babysit the new tenant while he swans off for his annual 2 month summer holiday which means that he won't be here for the changeover. He brought her round today, complete with 8 month old baby and heart-breaking story about how they are living in temporary accommodation with all their stuff in storage while they wait for us to bugger off. I wonder how honest I should be with her? She's French though so lucky for Mr Tight-arse I lack the vocab to explain how I really feel.

Meanwhile, the kids are on some sort of mission to keep me so busy that I forget about all the other cheese (see the Hungarian phrasebook for that one, 'cheese' = 'shite', I'm just toning down because my Mum's due to look in here!) . They are blazing such a trail of destruction through the house I am going to recommend the next major US hurricanes are named after them. Plus they are also doing stuff that's just downright naughty. For example, I have filled the old sandpit with water for the dog to cool off in, which she has been very grateful for while it's been so hot here this week. So Pickle decides that it would be a great place to have a quick pee while he's out playing in the garden rather than having to take his shoes off to come in the house and use the proper facilities. That's male logic for you - I'll get told off if I run inside with my shoes on but if I sneak a pee-pee out here there's a chance she'll never know. Sadly he's rumbled next time Tiggy takes a drink from her pool when Poppet falls about laughing yelling 'She's drinking your wee-wee!!!'

So off they go upstairs to get out of Mummy's way as she is rapidly growing horns and a forked tail to go with the bad mood due to trying to get the house in some order before the landlord comes round with the new tenant. Then Poppet comes down to say that she can't get off the make-up that Pickle's applied to her face.... alarm bells ring, I dash upstairs, and sure enough there's face paint all over the freshly washed towels and a bright red greasepaint stick discarded on the white carpet. Cue the frightening fangs and reverberating roar and my transformation into Monster Mummy is complete as the little darlings dive for cover back out in the garden and I pointlessly dab at the carpet with Vanish. Aaargh!

Next stop Rose's house for a coffee and a rant. How guilty do I feel sitting there off-loading while Rose looks like she's just gone a couple of rounds with Mike Tyson. But that's the beauty of it you see, sharing woes between Mummies. She's been there too, there are stories of her own to reassure me that my kids behaviour is perfectly normal and we all relax just a little bit in time for the show-down of attempting to extract my two away from her two. No mean feat when there's a Mr Incredible game on the computer and Pickle's getting his first fix for a couple of days. I can assure you that our eventual get-away went relatively smoothly, but when we found the dog wandering in the road upon our return to the house having for some inexplicable reason decided to make a bid for freedom from the garden, I may have had a tiny outburst just to ruin the moment.

Anyway, I'm hoping that sleep might help me and I'll wake up all fresh and happy in the morning. That's the yarn I spin to the smallies, maybe it really works? It's worth a try. First I need to get the blighters into bed - I tucked them in 2 hours ago and I can still hear them mucking about. Come home Nobby!